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Navigating boundaries: when a client falls for their therapist

Ever got attracted to your therapist? Or did you ever by chance let the love enter in the therapy room where therapeutic relationship is compromis ed?

The therapeutic relationship is built on trust, empathy and non- judgmental surrounding which leads to deep

emotional connection that sometimes can be misinterpreted as romantic love. Well, the space that therapist provides to their client is intimate and vulnerable; it is not uncommon for people to develop romantic feelings.

These feelings happen when you project your unmet needs or emotions onto your therapist. You might idealize the therapist as the “perfect” person, intensifying the feeling of adoration. This isolated space of connection and understanding leaves you in attachment with your therapist.

Major symptoms:

This drastic compromise of professional relationship to personal feelings can make therapy complex and difficult for you. It can leave you with feeling of:

  • Rejection or the worry about the ending session
  • Thinking about therapist outside of the session
  • Getting anxious or nervous before seeing them
  • Ignoring other personal connections and relying on the therapist
  • Over-sharing or under-sharing

Why you should not have coffee with your therapist?

After the number of healthy sessions with your therapist you may feel now a sense of friendship with your therapist because they’ve heard your deepest thoughts and feelings but having coffee with them might seem to be harmless but it blurs the professional boundaries to personal interactions. Also it is not ethically correct for the therapist to neither meet the client outside of the session setting nor taking one. It compromises the supporting environment by creating an imbalance. As it involves trust, attachment and admiration it can intensify emotional dependence on spending some extra time in social context.

What to do instead?

This feeling of strong connection is worth discussing in therapy. Share openly about the way you feel but respectfully with the therapist as they will help you reframe these desires by the powerful tools like your trust in them and your feelings for healing and self-discovering.

What to remember?

Shift of focus in the therapeutic goals when boundaries are crossed that creates confusion, distrust can ultimately prevent you from accomplishing the result and progress.