USE COUPON CODE “FIRST50” TO GET 50% ON YOUR FIRST SESSION CALL SUPPORT IF ANY ISSUE CAUSED
How To Manage Health Boundaries?
We as human beings are surrounded by relationships and social interaction in our whole life. There are different kinds of relationships present in our life such as parents, romantic partners, friends, community, siblings, employees and many more. With relationships comes boundaries. Boundaries in a relationship can be described as the separations that humans need (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to feel valued, safe and respected. While Mark Manson described healthy personal boundaries as equal to taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others.
5 Ways To Manage and SET Healthy Boundaries:
1. Understand your Values,Needs and Wants:
It is important to understand your own self, your needs and your own values. It can be done with the help of journaling, mood record, etc.
Needs and boundaries can be of different types such as:
a) Physical boundaries: Shaking hands instead of hugging, going for a solo break during luck
b) Emotional boundaries: Delegating work to others appropriately, not engaging with others bad mood, not making others negative feelings your own.
c) Mental Boundaries: Understanding your mental space and returning to conversation when you feel you have strength to engage in that specific topic, establishing the set hours for work
2. Analyze and Set Your Boundaries:
After understanding your needs, values and needs it is important to now set boundaries. Some of the ways to setting boundaries is writing them and understanding what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. Asking yourself what you can tolerate or not tolerate? When to draw line? And determining the consequences when someone crosses those boundaries. Telling your boundaries to others assertively but politely also comes under this. It is discussed in more detail below.
3. Communicate Your Details Properly:
After setting boundaries, it becomes important to clearly state boundaries to others. It is important to verbally say what you identify as comfortable and uncomfortable. For example, if you understood that hugging others makes you uncomfortable, you can just express to other people that you are not comfortable with hugs and give other ways they can express their love that is comfortable to you.
Another example is during COVID, when you expressed to others to sanitize themselves, use masks and change their clothes as soon as they enter the home. There must be other examples that might come to your mind where you must have explained your needs or wants. Hence, it is not impossible to express emotions.
Difficulty in expressing your boundaries might stem due to different factors such as lack of self-esteem, people’s pleasure, abandonment issues etc. If there is difficulty in setting boundaries, one can look at root cause and work on it
4. Learning How To say "NO":
Learning to say “No” is a social skill that is vital in maintaining healthy boundaries. Communicating your decisions clearly, being assertive but respectful, politely declining after expressing gratitude are some of the ways.
For example, if someone gives you work in your job with a deadline that doesn’t allow you to complete your work, first you can acknowledge their request and then say “ I will gladly change and rearrange my schedule to move this to priority, but to maintain the quality, I feel the soonest I can submit the work by Tuesday”
5. Knowing When and How to Expand Boundaries:
It becomes essential to understand how much flexibility you can give or restrict your boundary depending on the situation. For eg, you might be comfortable with a hug from your siblings but might not be comfortable with a friend. Hence, analysis of the situation is necessary.
Too much permeability in boundaries can make people take advantage of us and increase the chances of toxic/abusive relationships. While too little flexibility can make you too rigid and unadaptable to situations. We consciously or unconsciously know what is acceptable and appropriate and therefore listen to yourself.
Why are Boundaries important?
One of the most important relationships we tend to forget is with oneself. Boundaries help to respect and appreciate oneself. And when we are not able to manage healthy boundaries with others, it tends to become toxic relationship and causes distress. It can make you feel exhausted, tired, frustrated or unable to work. It can also lead to emotional pain. Furthermore, it means you are not being true to yourself.
Unhealthy boundaries also involve disregard for your own as well as other’s values, limits, respect, wants and needs. They can also potentially lead to abusive relationships (dating, romantic or any other kind of abusive relationship). Therefore, it is essential to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships for a healthier life.
If you or someone you know have struggles with maintaining healthy boundaries, toxic/abusive relationship or emotional pain, you can contact Rebuilding Minds for professional help. Counseling can help to bring different perspectives and healthy healing
Author: Muskaan Agarwal (Counseling Psychologist)
